Doug goes in this afternoon for his vasectomy. I'm feeling lots of emotions thinking about no more pregnancies, no more babies with this man I love. Ugh. I know it's a good thing, but then again....
Good luck hon, hope it doesn't hurt too much.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Spring break
is this week and it feels like it's half over already. Katelyn's been lounging in the same PJ's since Sunday evening. Yeah, she showered, but put those darn PJ's back on she got for Easter. I guess it's a good thing she likes them. I'll probably pry them off of her this morning though and put the kids in clothes today. I scrubbed the bathroom shower like there was no tomorrow. Old grime is tough to get off, but I prevailed. It's only right the shower I get in to clean off from a long day is squeaky clean too! Cam is calling me, guess I better go answer him! ;)
Monday, April 17, 2006
Monday madness
Actually wasn't that bad. I did have a dentist appointment today - my first ever! I was scared. So scared to go. But in all of 29 years, I have never been to the dentist. My mom never took me, so I never thought to go as an adult, until my hubby did. Of course, we have always taken care of Katelyn's visits but, I never thought about me. So, they took x-rays of my teeth, numbed up my right side and cleaned my teeth. The scraping and the water kinda freaked me out a bit, but I think I can go back and get the left side done in a few days.I have periodontitus or something like that. The gums are inflammed and red from calcium buildup beneath the gums. After I get the left side cleaned I will get a kit for 28 days of special toothpaste and mouth wash... plus I get to learn how to floss now. This should be interesting. But I have to do it to save my teeth.
Easter was different. We usually get together with my mom and aunt for Easter, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, and Christmas to have a huge feast. But with the families getting larger each year (ours especially) we just didn't want to share the day with anyone else but out own family. Sounds a bit greedy I guess, but it worked for us. I don't think it will become a habit unless we move out of state, and that's a whole 'nother story! Katelyn, Sam, Cam, and I went to church. Before we left we took pictures outside.
Easter was different. We usually get together with my mom and aunt for Easter, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, and Christmas to have a huge feast. But with the families getting larger each year (ours especially) we just didn't want to share the day with anyone else but out own family. Sounds a bit greedy I guess, but it worked for us. I don't think it will become a habit unless we move out of state, and that's a whole 'nother story! Katelyn, Sam, Cam, and I went to church. Before we left we took pictures outside.
I hate I wasn't paying attention here and overexposed their faces :( Check out Cameron in his lil vest and tie though :) We came home from church and decided we should mow the grass before the rain came. We mowed, raked the grass, and cleaned the house up some. All work that should have waited for another day.. but yanno life goes on and the work needs to be done. We had a super yummy ham with mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, fried green beans, and deviled eggs. Tonight I made broccoli casserole to go with the leftovers. Ahhhhh, now I am ready for bed!
Friday, April 14, 2006
Friday is here
and I am feeling quite productive. I have already completed two loads of laundry and a layout, juggling two kidlets, and all a few minutes past noon! I'm starting to get on a schedule with household work, that way there is nothing to do on the weekends except enjoy family and maybe watch some movies... or something non work related! Doug and I had planned on mowing the lawn every friday after he gets home from work, him tackling the backyard, and me the front... since we have rain forcasted for the next 4 days, I'm not sure when this darn grass will get mowed. Sam is calling for lunch which means I need to get outta here for now.
You can click on the pic to see it larger.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Just some pictures
Had this post all ready to go last night and bam, gone. Luckily, it was just some pictures I have taken over the last couple of days.
Yes, we are quite silly for having the sled out without snow on the ground. Samantha does not like the grass yet, hope she gets over that soon.
A flower growing out near my tree. Is it a type of tulip?
Just lounging yesterday.
The moon came out early the other day.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
~challenge~ 10 things
From Amy: Betcha Didn't Know... Let's learn a little more about each other! I bet we'll be surprised a time or two 10 Random Facts I Betcha Didn't Know About Me!
- I loved the smurfs growing up and still do
- I smoke and want to quit some day
- I have over 150 lbs to lose
- I love flavored coffee creamer (Chocolate caramel is my favorite)
- I'm scared to go to a hair salon to get my hair cut
- I hate mixing meatloaf with my hands
- The older I get the better housekeeper I've become
- My shoes size is 11
- I suck at math
- I'm 1/4 Hungarian (and lotsa other stuff.. lol)
More later....
Sunday, April 9, 2006
Snapshots of a Sunday
I know the title is a complete rip off of Snapshots of a Saturday, but our Saturday sucked. Was cloudy and drizzly, and well today was beautiful! The weekend has been awesome. Doug and I are closer than we have been in a really long. time. We lounged around and watched movies yesterday, mowed the grass together Friday, and went out shopping a bit this afternoon for some much needed food supplies. Here's my sunny look on life... too bad Doug didn't wanna go outside, I could have set the tripod up.
You can click on the pictures to make them larger.
My tulips are up! Well, they came with the house but their mine now :)
Weiner - my Shar-pei
Katelyn & Sam
Sweet.
I have taken over 2000 pictures since Christmas... lovin' this camera :)
Sleep training is
not what it's cracked up to be. Cameron is giving me a run for my money. At 6 - 8 weeks, baby should be able to sleep 4 hours without a feeding. He did that, wow! If only I had went to bed exactly when he did but, I am starting this sleep training on two hours of sleep. I realize he has two sleep crutches...
1)Falling asleep on the nipple
2)Falling asleep in our arms
The second is the one that's really getting me this morning. He wants to be held off to sleep. I feel like such a bad mom for letting him cry longer than 5 minutes. The book says not to let him go so long without picking him where he can't wind himself down. It looks like we may keep this routine up until the next feeding. This is his third session of crying for 15 minutes, resting for 8-10 minutes then, he realizes he wasn't held and starts up again. Did I mention I feel badly? What seems to calm him down his talking to him in a soothing normal voice. I keep telling him Mommies here, time to go night night, shhhh shhh shhhhhhhh.
Time for another round...
1)Falling asleep on the nipple
2)Falling asleep in our arms
The second is the one that's really getting me this morning. He wants to be held off to sleep. I feel like such a bad mom for letting him cry longer than 5 minutes. The book says not to let him go so long without picking him where he can't wind himself down. It looks like we may keep this routine up until the next feeding. This is his third session of crying for 15 minutes, resting for 8-10 minutes then, he realizes he wasn't held and starts up again. Did I mention I feel badly? What seems to calm him down his talking to him in a soothing normal voice. I keep telling him Mommies here, time to go night night, shhhh shhh shhhhhhhh.
Time for another round...
Friday, April 7, 2006
Guess I'm not crazy after all
I saw my OBGYN for my postpartum check up this morning. If you don't know, I had Samantha March 2005, and Cameron February 2006... My Doc loves to tease me now that I will end up pregnant in there again in no time. I think it's great he knows he can kid around with me and Doug. (Right after delivery he said he wouldn't be surprised to see me pregnant before April came around.. *lol*)
Well I am just going for brutally honest on this darn blog of mine, why not, I pretty much am IRL too. This blog is my every day thing and is a much a part of my life as doing the dishes.
My point is, I am motivated to lose this weight I have been carrying around. You can read more about my goals here. I was scared to get on the scale while waiting around for the doc this morning. About 5 weeks before I delivered Cameron, I had went over 350 lb mark, and I wouldn't register on the scale anymore. So I have no idea what my weight was when I delivered Cam. With much trepidation I stepped on (and yeah, i took my tennies off!) and I weigh 333 1/4 lbs! Not too shabby, and I am kind of proud of myself! Guess I will update here occassionally about my progress! Oh, and I talked to Doc about my baby blues and got prescribed Zoloft. Hoping that makes me feel better, and yeah.. I'm not crazy!!
Well I am just going for brutally honest on this darn blog of mine, why not, I pretty much am IRL too. This blog is my every day thing and is a much a part of my life as doing the dishes.
My point is, I am motivated to lose this weight I have been carrying around. You can read more about my goals here. I was scared to get on the scale while waiting around for the doc this morning. About 5 weeks before I delivered Cameron, I had went over 350 lb mark, and I wouldn't register on the scale anymore. So I have no idea what my weight was when I delivered Cam. With much trepidation I stepped on (and yeah, i took my tennies off!) and I weigh 333 1/4 lbs! Not too shabby, and I am kind of proud of myself! Guess I will update here occassionally about my progress! Oh, and I talked to Doc about my baby blues and got prescribed Zoloft. Hoping that makes me feel better, and yeah.. I'm not crazy!!
~challenge~ Icecream
Blog about your fave ice-cream flavor. Summer is right around the corner. If you absolutely love the stuff, like I do! what's your fave flavor? Do you have more than one? Is it a specific brand? Do you enjoy it in a cone or in a dish, piled up high with other yummy stuff? Blog about this cool and delicious treat.
Ohhhhh BonnieRose hit on my weakness... icecream! I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!! My favorite is anything with peanut butter in it, especially those large chunks of reeses peanut butter cups! Yummmmmmmmmmy! This topic is really making me want to run to Brusters to get some of their icecream. It's packed with flavor and they have about 12 or so new flavors a month. It's been ages since I have been there, and the lines are always long when it's hot. Heck, I've seen long lines there in the winter. Usually we have icecream at home though, and if I let Doug serve the icecream, the half gallon will last about three to four times. I really like getting a pint of B&J's and eating about half. (Suggested serving size is 1/4 cup.. can you believe that!) No way I could sit and eat only 1/4 of the container... heck, I've been known to sit and eat the whole pint in one sitting! Sighhhhh, for the most part though, these days are behind me!
Ohhhhh BonnieRose hit on my weakness... icecream! I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!! My favorite is anything with peanut butter in it, especially those large chunks of reeses peanut butter cups! Yummmmmmmmmmy! This topic is really making me want to run to Brusters to get some of their icecream. It's packed with flavor and they have about 12 or so new flavors a month. It's been ages since I have been there, and the lines are always long when it's hot. Heck, I've seen long lines there in the winter. Usually we have icecream at home though, and if I let Doug serve the icecream, the half gallon will last about three to four times. I really like getting a pint of B&J's and eating about half. (Suggested serving size is 1/4 cup.. can you believe that!) No way I could sit and eat only 1/4 of the container... heck, I've been known to sit and eat the whole pint in one sitting! Sighhhhh, for the most part though, these days are behind me!
Thursday, April 6, 2006
Frazzled part II
I had to write Shirley this morning and let her know I couldn't find that darn envelope with the money order in it. This pained me to write her this morning, but what else am I gonna do? I had to tell her, right? It's bad enough I flaked and lost the damn money order, but to just leave her hanging and not tell her is not an option!
I'm so sad about the whole thing. I really wanted those A2Z Essentials paper. I think I am more sad that my 'flakiness' and procrastinator side has reared it's ugly head and is affecting more than just my poor unsuspecting family... Hmmph!
I still have a small grain of hope it will just appear where I have already looked before. Maybe Samantha -miss gotta touch everything that is not mine- picked it up and carried it off to her room. I haven't investigated in there yet.. well not much since I was in there last night putting away her clothes. This is one of those things that is going to haunt me for a long time. If I have a question that I can't get answered I usually will do anything to find out the answer.... which leads me to my next train of though.
A public apology to my husband. To make a long story short, something of mine came up missing and I couldn't find it on the server. Doug was the last one to have messed with it and promised me he would try to find it. He thought by providing me with a new item slightly more jazzed up I would forget about other said item and everything would be fine. I basically called him a liar and pissed him off to start looking for it... BAM, he found it. Now my suspicious mind makes me wonder - did he just rename slightly more jazzed up item??? Oh well, I am officially letting this one go. Sorry Doug.
Wednesday, April 5, 2006
~challenge~ If I had $100,000
Challenge from 2peas: You find/win/are given/inherit $100,000. Make a list and itemize exactly what you would do with the money.
Well, I have to be completely honest and say, it wouldn't matter if I found/won/were given/inherited $100,000 I think I would spend it the same way.
Well, I have to be completely honest and say, it wouldn't matter if I found/won/were given/inherited $100,000 I think I would spend it the same way.
- $8,000 - student loans
- $40,000 - pay off car
- $12,000 - pay off credit cards & misc debt
- $10,000*3 = trust fund for all three kidlets
- $10,000 - Dream vacation at DisneyWorld
I knew I could spend that quick... but man, how nice if I could find a wad of cash like that.... the load on the money bills would be so minimal.. wow!!!!
Frazzled
I am such a twit. I ask Shirley from TSS for some awesome scrapbook papers from A2Z (the Groovy Line - which is discontinued) to put a package together for me.. last wednesday. She was very nice and said she had some of that line left and she would put a kit together for me. I told her I would get the money order in the mail. I bought the money order wednesday night. It has been years since I have filled one out, so naturally I had to come inside and ask google to help me out. Great, got that filled out, actually addressed the envelope.. and started procrastinating about mailing it. I needed to go to the post office to get some 3 cent stamps.
I wrote her on Sunday telling her I was sorry I hadn't mailed it out yet and that I would do so monday. What did I do monday... darn near lose my mind (that's in a whole nuther post), so I didn't get it mailed monday. Yesterday it starts eating away at me that I hadn't mailed it, so I look in the car while I was out last night for the envelope. Not there. I figure it was just still on my desk. What have I been doing all this morning? Looking for that envelope to mail to Shirley. She's gonna think I am the worst human alive and never wanna speak to me again... I wouldn't blame her. So maybe I am exaggerating, but if I were her, I might be thinking.. what a fruitcake!
I have tore my desk apart, started tackling the mountain of papers behind me in hopes of finding this darn envelope. I just went outside and made another search of the car. What scares me now thinking back is did it get thrown away? I remember asking Katelyn to take the car trash to the can, and today is trash pick up day.... which has already ran. I would so have torn through that huge nasty trash can if I thought it was in there.. which now I am beginning to do. I can't find the receipt for the money order, the envelope I had her address wrote on, or the stub I pulled off the money order. This is driving me batty... and of course, I don't wanna have to write Shirley again.. I feel like such a FOOL! Argh... this sucks and I am frazzled!!!!!
I wrote her on Sunday telling her I was sorry I hadn't mailed it out yet and that I would do so monday. What did I do monday... darn near lose my mind (that's in a whole nuther post), so I didn't get it mailed monday. Yesterday it starts eating away at me that I hadn't mailed it, so I look in the car while I was out last night for the envelope. Not there. I figure it was just still on my desk. What have I been doing all this morning? Looking for that envelope to mail to Shirley. She's gonna think I am the worst human alive and never wanna speak to me again... I wouldn't blame her. So maybe I am exaggerating, but if I were her, I might be thinking.. what a fruitcake!
I have tore my desk apart, started tackling the mountain of papers behind me in hopes of finding this darn envelope. I just went outside and made another search of the car. What scares me now thinking back is did it get thrown away? I remember asking Katelyn to take the car trash to the can, and today is trash pick up day.... which has already ran. I would so have torn through that huge nasty trash can if I thought it was in there.. which now I am beginning to do. I can't find the receipt for the money order, the envelope I had her address wrote on, or the stub I pulled off the money order. This is driving me batty... and of course, I don't wanna have to write Shirley again.. I feel like such a FOOL! Argh... this sucks and I am frazzled!!!!!
Tuesday, April 4, 2006
Herma refill instruction for dummies
I love my little Herma dot dispenser... but I just can NOT figure out how to get it refilled. I am embarrased to say, I ask my husband to load it for me. *snort* Do you ever have the one thing you just can't get? Geez, this is one of those things for me.
Step 1 - read the instructions (yeah, this does *nothing* for me)
Step 1 - read the instructions (yeah, this does *nothing* for me)
Step 2 - Remove empty tape dispenser (I can do this!!)
Step 3 - Unwind the refill roll and position the tape end in the notch of the rewind reel (huh?)
Step 4 - Hold the tape roll and turn the rewind reel in the indicated direction until the tape is tightened. (ummm.. YIPPIE, Thanks honey!!)
Step 5 - put the plastic outside pieces together again (Check - I can do this too!)
I mean really, isn't it just sad I had to wait for D to come home and take care of this for me? I need a new glue thingy I can refill all on my own!!! I was in the middle of a layout for goodness sake! I had to W*A*I*T!
I got around to doing this layout of Samantha getting ahold of Doug's pens. Why is it the finished layout always looks better once it's in the album?? I love it though. I'm slowly starting to get a feel for the papers and how I want to arrange something. I do love scrapbooking!
Captured you
Samantha loves that darn bunny. It's yellow and on the front of it, it says My first Easter. Ever since we have got her on a schedule where she sleeps through the night, she has taken her easter bunny (bun bun) as her sleepin buddy. It never fails, if she is getting tired, she will look all over for her bunny and use the little ears to rub her eyes with. She does this in her crib to get herself to sleep to. Now, sometimes she will leave the bunny in her crib and then she will find anything fluffy and soft to rest her head on to let me know she's ready for sleep. I love that. The picture above was taken right before bedtime. :)
~challenge~ D r e a m s of mine
Use your blog to write about YOUR HOPES AND WISHES for YOU. No one else. Not your kids. Not your better half. Not friends and family. But your hopes and wishes for YOU and you alone. What are they? Do you have any? What are YOUR hopes and wishes? YOUR dreams? Elaborate as you wish. Remember, this one is all about YOU. You matter. How you feel counts. What your deepest dreams, passions are. Write them down. Get specific. Imagine.
I hope and dream about the day I will be a healthier me. Yes, thinner. I just had my last child, and I am ready. I don't know why it has taken me 10 years to REALLY want this but, I want to be a regular person again. People judge others on looks so much, it's sad but, so true. I want to walk in a room and capture the attention of others based on my outside beauty not based on how large I am. I want to be able to run and play and go to amusement parks again and not have to worry about finding a place to rest, knowing I won't be able to fit on the ride because of my size... FLY in an airplane for the first time!! I really want to do that!!! I want my husband to see me as the most beautiful woman in the world.
I dream and hope and wish for all the above but, that's not all. I dream about building our dream home with like 5 bedrooms, an office, library, scrap studio, play center for the kids. I want a wrap around porch that I can go and sit on any hour of the day (especially when a thunderstorm is going on) and drink coffee or hot chocolate. I hope I can be more like my aunt. She's there for everyone and as she has gotten older hardly passes judgement on anyone. And even if she has passed judgement or stated she might not like so and so for whatever reason, if they ask for help, she's willing to help. I want that. I want to be more open to just being there for others, regardless of my schedule and needs. I'm not talking about being walked over, being a push over where you are walked on and can't say NO.. just knowing I could be a strong shoulder to lean on, a rock for them.
I want to go back to college and learn again. Anything. Be it programming so I can help my husband in his business, or learning how to take a decent picture, I want to learn. I want my husband to respect me, and look up to me like I look up to him. I admire him. He is such a hardworker, a really smart man. I want to be like him too. Wouldn't it be cool to program and be his sidekick, working together on a really large project for a big company. Getting a call from Microsoft to come in as consultants on a big release... or however that stuff works. I want to be more passionate about life. Really grab it up and breathe it all in... taking in all the good and bad and understanding that we just get one chance at LIVING! I dream and hope for a lot... I sure do hope I can accomplish these d r e a m s one day.
I hope and dream about the day I will be a healthier me. Yes, thinner. I just had my last child, and I am ready. I don't know why it has taken me 10 years to REALLY want this but, I want to be a regular person again. People judge others on looks so much, it's sad but, so true. I want to walk in a room and capture the attention of others based on my outside beauty not based on how large I am. I want to be able to run and play and go to amusement parks again and not have to worry about finding a place to rest, knowing I won't be able to fit on the ride because of my size... FLY in an airplane for the first time!! I really want to do that!!! I want my husband to see me as the most beautiful woman in the world.
I dream and hope and wish for all the above but, that's not all. I dream about building our dream home with like 5 bedrooms, an office, library, scrap studio, play center for the kids. I want a wrap around porch that I can go and sit on any hour of the day (especially when a thunderstorm is going on) and drink coffee or hot chocolate. I hope I can be more like my aunt. She's there for everyone and as she has gotten older hardly passes judgement on anyone. And even if she has passed judgement or stated she might not like so and so for whatever reason, if they ask for help, she's willing to help. I want that. I want to be more open to just being there for others, regardless of my schedule and needs. I'm not talking about being walked over, being a push over where you are walked on and can't say NO.. just knowing I could be a strong shoulder to lean on, a rock for them.
I want to go back to college and learn again. Anything. Be it programming so I can help my husband in his business, or learning how to take a decent picture, I want to learn. I want my husband to respect me, and look up to me like I look up to him. I admire him. He is such a hardworker, a really smart man. I want to be like him too. Wouldn't it be cool to program and be his sidekick, working together on a really large project for a big company. Getting a call from Microsoft to come in as consultants on a big release... or however that stuff works. I want to be more passionate about life. Really grab it up and breathe it all in... taking in all the good and bad and understanding that we just get one chance at LIVING! I dream and hope for a lot... I sure do hope I can accomplish these d r e a m s one day.
I've been tagged
I have been tagged by Jess from the WT board. Yeah, baby! My first tag. Now who the heck am I gonna tag back???
5 snacks that I enjoy
5 snacks that I enjoy
- Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
- coffee with liquid creamer (french vanilla)
- icecream (anything with peanut butter)
- salsa and chips
- popcorn with snowcaps in it
5 songs in which I know all the lyrics
- You're Beautiful (James Blunt)
- Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice)
- Papa Don't Preach (Madonna)
- Fancy (Reba)
- Santa Baby (Kitt ?)
- build our dream house
- give $ to my mom
- Go to Disneyworld (and on the cruise too)
- invest
- pay for the kids to go to college / start trust funds
5 bad habits
- smoking
- emotional eating
- cussing while driving (possible road rage?)
- taking things out on Doug
- leaving the clothes in the washer overnight
5 things I like doing
- playing marbles (most board games)
- taking pictures
- scrapbooking
- surfing the net
- spending alone time with Doug
5 things I would never wear, buy, or get new again
- raincoats
- knee highs
- jean vests
- anything with 100% wool
- a bikini (man, those days are long gone!)
5 favorite toys
- my car
- my computer
- Dish DVR (I love to record stuff to watch later)
- my camera
- mp3's on the puter
5 people I will tag - Hmmm.....
Monday, April 3, 2006
~challenge~ Inspiration
Challenge from 2peas: Women are powerful creatures. We all have powerful, inspiring women in our lives. Here's the challenge: What are some things that YOU have learned from other women/creative women in your life? Make your own list. What have you learned from these women in your life? What have they taught you?
What a deep question. I think I will start off with my mother. I will start off and say that I love her dearly. She has inspired me in a way that might not be the norm for most people. My mom has taught me to set a standard for myself - to stand up for myself, to be fair to my children in the best way I know how, to say I love you everyday to my children. How did my mom teach me all of this? By not leading by example.
She has always made poor choices in mates in her life.. always. I think this has set the standard for her and one that she continued to proove to me while growing up, one that I didn't like. Men walked all over her, abused her (and me), made her feel belittled, and yet she still kept giving her all to them. I'll never understand why, but she made me believe I wanted better than that in life, for myself and my future children.
My mom worked hard, and meant well.. but she never taught me to be fair to others in life. She would take what she could from people whether it be family or friends, and was ok with that. Never giving back to the ones that cared the most about her. She never told me she loved me... until she got older... now life means a little bit more to her, but in the negative ways I have spoke of my mom, I still thank her.
She inspired me to be a loving person. To give and yet expect to be treated fairly in return. For the most part, I have chosen a good mate. I try to teach my children about fairness to others, being able to voice their opinions whether I agree with them or not. I tell them I love them everyday. My mom has inspired me to be a better mother than she was to me. I'm not sure if I will be able to convey exactly how she has inspired and enriched my life without it sounding like I don't respect or love my mother....
What a deep question. I think I will start off with my mother. I will start off and say that I love her dearly. She has inspired me in a way that might not be the norm for most people. My mom has taught me to set a standard for myself - to stand up for myself, to be fair to my children in the best way I know how, to say I love you everyday to my children. How did my mom teach me all of this? By not leading by example.
She has always made poor choices in mates in her life.. always. I think this has set the standard for her and one that she continued to proove to me while growing up, one that I didn't like. Men walked all over her, abused her (and me), made her feel belittled, and yet she still kept giving her all to them. I'll never understand why, but she made me believe I wanted better than that in life, for myself and my future children.
My mom worked hard, and meant well.. but she never taught me to be fair to others in life. She would take what she could from people whether it be family or friends, and was ok with that. Never giving back to the ones that cared the most about her. She never told me she loved me... until she got older... now life means a little bit more to her, but in the negative ways I have spoke of my mom, I still thank her.
She inspired me to be a loving person. To give and yet expect to be treated fairly in return. For the most part, I have chosen a good mate. I try to teach my children about fairness to others, being able to voice their opinions whether I agree with them or not. I tell them I love them everyday. My mom has inspired me to be a better mother than she was to me. I'm not sure if I will be able to convey exactly how she has inspired and enriched my life without it sounding like I don't respect or love my mother....
ONE person, that's all it takes... the right person
So, if you're here to check up on me and see how things are going, and you're in a good mood, having a good day... back away now, hit the big red x on your browser and have a nice day. I'm sure this will just drag you down a bit, and I don't want that for anyone... I just need to hash it out since I have noone I can talk to that understands me.. or better yet, wants to?
Do you ever talk to you're blue in the face? Til you have no air left in your lungs? Til your face goes numb with the same ol' same ol'? Ever need help and scream it at the top of your lungs.. scream it out in your head where it's just there echoing, and noone hears you? Better yet, have that ONE person you are asking for help, really asking, and they don't hear you? That ONE person who you need the most from, who you think will be there for you, and they think you're silly? You have tears streaming down your face, your hearts about to burst from the pain and, they still think your problems are smaller than their own?
It doesn't matter if your family wants to *listen*, they can't help you. You don't want them to.
The ONE person that matters, that means the world to you basically laughs at all your antics, thinking you are - JUST moody - JUST *might* have a touch of the baby blues or postpardum depression....
so what? Isn't the cry for help enough? The flood of tears running down their face... don't you see?
I wonder if people who commit suicide feel this way? Colleagues, friends, family can see the changes, ask if you're ok... and they numbly say, "yeah, I'm ok" when their really not? They just need/hope/expect that ONE RIGHT person to help them. It doesn't matter how, just that they care enough to see that help is needed.
and no.. I'm NOT suicidal... but I feel lost, but maybe it will get better on it's own?
Yeah.. that felt good!
Do you ever talk to you're blue in the face? Til you have no air left in your lungs? Til your face goes numb with the same ol' same ol'? Ever need help and scream it at the top of your lungs.. scream it out in your head where it's just there echoing, and noone hears you? Better yet, have that ONE person you are asking for help, really asking, and they don't hear you? That ONE person who you need the most from, who you think will be there for you, and they think you're silly? You have tears streaming down your face, your hearts about to burst from the pain and, they still think your problems are smaller than their own?
It doesn't matter if your family wants to *listen*, they can't help you. You don't want them to.
The ONE person that matters, that means the world to you basically laughs at all your antics, thinking you are - JUST moody - JUST *might* have a touch of the baby blues or postpardum depression....
so what? Isn't the cry for help enough? The flood of tears running down their face... don't you see?
I wonder if people who commit suicide feel this way? Colleagues, friends, family can see the changes, ask if you're ok... and they numbly say, "yeah, I'm ok" when their really not? They just need/hope/expect that ONE RIGHT person to help them. It doesn't matter how, just that they care enough to see that help is needed.
and no.. I'm NOT suicidal... but I feel lost, but maybe it will get better on it's own?
Yeah.. that felt good!
Sunday, April 2, 2006
Spring forward
Ahh spring. I love it, just hate losing that one hour of sleep. I must be getting old, because I didn't try to play any pranks on anyone. I refuse to believe that though, it must be the NO SLEEP deal... and me being sick yesterday. Repeat after me, I am not old! I am not old! I am not old!
Doug's boss called him last night and played a prank on him. He is so easy, I will have to remember to get him next year. They had lost two hard drives on the server friday, and his boss had been there all night with IT trying to replace/restore information. The prank... Bossman told Doug that a virus had got into a hardrive and wiped everything losing months of work.. or something like that. Doug fell for it. He was going off on the phone, OMG.. OMG! *snort* Good going Steve!
I was up late last night after our game of marbles with my aunt & uncle, so I made a layout. I fixed the journaling on it but did not retake the shot. Samantha loves to walk up to Cam and give him kisses. She will say, "awwww braboo" then kiss him.
Doug's boss called him last night and played a prank on him. He is so easy, I will have to remember to get him next year. They had lost two hard drives on the server friday, and his boss had been there all night with IT trying to replace/restore information. The prank... Bossman told Doug that a virus had got into a hardrive and wiped everything losing months of work.. or something like that. Doug fell for it. He was going off on the phone, OMG.. OMG! *snort* Good going Steve!
I was up late last night after our game of marbles with my aunt & uncle, so I made a layout. I fixed the journaling on it but did not retake the shot. Samantha loves to walk up to Cam and give him kisses. She will say, "awwww braboo" then kiss him.
more kissing.. she can't get enough of it... LOL
Saturday, April 1, 2006
~challenge~ Skillz baby
This is the challenge from 2peas. If you could choose one skill to learn, what would it be?
Mine would be programming. I have started twice in the past to learn this skill. It could quickly become a profession, considering my hubby is a programmer, and a damn good one at that. I started to learn from a book and with hubby's instruction. Between being pregnant with Sam at the time, and life in general I never finished. I got through chapter five of my VB book. I was starting to learn about loops and stuff. It really is quite a feeling to create a program and see it run and work how you wrote it to work. It's quite amazing. So, if I do anything else in my life, I would like to become a novice at worst in programming. It would help us expand our home business on creating custom made programs for home/business.
Mine would be programming. I have started twice in the past to learn this skill. It could quickly become a profession, considering my hubby is a programmer, and a damn good one at that. I started to learn from a book and with hubby's instruction. Between being pregnant with Sam at the time, and life in general I never finished. I got through chapter five of my VB book. I was starting to learn about loops and stuff. It really is quite a feeling to create a program and see it run and work how you wrote it to work. It's quite amazing. So, if I do anything else in my life, I would like to become a novice at worst in programming. It would help us expand our home business on creating custom made programs for home/business.
Oh man
I feel so much better. My stomach isn't cramping, I am not sitting on my husbands throne. I just feel hungry and a bit weak. I pretty much slept the day away, so maybe the sickness was a good thing. Got some of my sleep caught up and I had a free day from mommy duty. Not that I didn't miss the little boogers. I came out in the sunroom several times today to catch up with D and see the kidlets.
Katelyn went to her friends house for a birthday weekend sleepover. She was so excited to go yesterday. Her friends mom called me earlier this morning telling me Katelyn stepped on a rusty nail. :( She's ok and I don't think she needs another tenus shot, but if it starts looking funky I will take her in to the Dr's.
Samantha was showing her butt a lot yesterday, giving me a hard time and generally not listening to anything. Guess what she got into? Ahhh the joy of things that are off limits! A pen!
Katelyn went to her friends house for a birthday weekend sleepover. She was so excited to go yesterday. Her friends mom called me earlier this morning telling me Katelyn stepped on a rusty nail. :( She's ok and I don't think she needs another tenus shot, but if it starts looking funky I will take her in to the Dr's.
Samantha was showing her butt a lot yesterday, giving me a hard time and generally not listening to anything. Guess what she got into? Ahhh the joy of things that are off limits! A pen!
She was quite proud of herself.
The pen was starting to irritate her eyes. Baby wipes pull the ink right off of skin... I don't know about her outfit yet though, it may just become a dust rag.
This morning while I was busy being sick, D went and brought lil C in the bed with him... I resisted the waves of nausea and ran for the camera. I love it.
My tummy hurts
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