Friday, April 21, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
Easter was different. We usually get together with my mom and aunt for Easter, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, and Christmas to have a huge feast. But with the families getting larger each year (ours especially) we just didn't want to share the day with anyone else but out own family. Sounds a bit greedy I guess, but it worked for us. I don't think it will become a habit unless we move out of state, and that's a whole 'nother story! Katelyn, Sam, Cam, and I went to church. Before we left we took pictures outside.
I hate I wasn't paying attention here and overexposed their faces :( Check out Cameron in his lil vest and tie though :) We came home from church and decided we should mow the grass before the rain came. We mowed, raked the grass, and cleaned the house up some. All work that should have waited for another day.. but yanno life goes on and the work needs to be done. We had a super yummy ham with mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, fried green beans, and deviled eggs. Tonight I made broccoli casserole to go with the leftovers. Ahhhhh, now I am ready for bed!
Friday, April 14, 2006
You can click on the pic to see it larger.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
- I loved the smurfs growing up and still do
- I smoke and want to quit some day
- I have over 150 lbs to lose
- I love flavored coffee creamer (Chocolate caramel is my favorite)
- I'm scared to go to a hair salon to get my hair cut
- I hate mixing meatloaf with my hands
- The older I get the better housekeeper I've become
- My shoes size is 11
- I suck at math
- I'm 1/4 Hungarian (and lotsa other stuff.. lol)
Sunday, April 9, 2006
You can click on the pictures to make them larger.
My tulips are up! Well, they came with the house but their mine now :)
Weiner - my Shar-pei
Katelyn & Sam
I have taken over 2000 pictures since Christmas... lovin' this camera :)
1)Falling asleep on the nipple
2)Falling asleep in our arms
The second is the one that's really getting me this morning. He wants to be held off to sleep. I feel like such a bad mom for letting him cry longer than 5 minutes. The book says not to let him go so long without picking him where he can't wind himself down. It looks like we may keep this routine up until the next feeding. This is his third session of crying for 15 minutes, resting for 8-10 minutes then, he realizes he wasn't held and starts up again. Did I mention I feel badly? What seems to calm him down his talking to him in a soothing normal voice. I keep telling him Mommies here, time to go night night, shhhh shhh shhhhhhhh.
Time for another round...
Friday, April 7, 2006
Well I am just going for brutally honest on this darn blog of mine, why not, I pretty much am IRL too. This blog is my every day thing and is a much a part of my life as doing the dishes.
My point is, I am motivated to lose this weight I have been carrying around. You can read more about my goals here. I was scared to get on the scale while waiting around for the doc this morning. About 5 weeks before I delivered Cameron, I had went over 350 lb mark, and I wouldn't register on the scale anymore. So I have no idea what my weight was when I delivered Cam. With much trepidation I stepped on (and yeah, i took my tennies off!) and I weigh 333 1/4 lbs! Not too shabby, and I am kind of proud of myself! Guess I will update here occassionally about my progress! Oh, and I talked to Doc about my baby blues and got prescribed Zoloft. Hoping that makes me feel better, and yeah.. I'm not crazy!!
Ohhhhh BonnieRose hit on my weakness... icecream! I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!! My favorite is anything with peanut butter in it, especially those large chunks of reeses peanut butter cups! Yummmmmmmmmmy! This topic is really making me want to run to Brusters to get some of their icecream. It's packed with flavor and they have about 12 or so new flavors a month. It's been ages since I have been there, and the lines are always long when it's hot. Heck, I've seen long lines there in the winter. Usually we have icecream at home though, and if I let Doug serve the icecream, the half gallon will last about three to four times. I really like getting a pint of B&J's and eating about half. (Suggested serving size is 1/4 cup.. can you believe that!) No way I could sit and eat only 1/4 of the container... heck, I've been known to sit and eat the whole pint in one sitting! Sighhhhh, for the most part though, these days are behind me!
Thursday, April 6, 2006
I'm so sad about the whole thing. I really wanted those A2Z Essentials paper. I think I am more sad that my 'flakiness' and procrastinator side has reared it's ugly head and is affecting more than just my poor unsuspecting family... Hmmph!
I still have a small grain of hope it will just appear where I have already looked before. Maybe Samantha -miss gotta touch everything that is not mine- picked it up and carried it off to her room. I haven't investigated in there yet.. well not much since I was in there last night putting away her clothes. This is one of those things that is going to haunt me for a long time. If I have a question that I can't get answered I usually will do anything to find out the answer.... which leads me to my next train of though.
A public apology to my husband. To make a long story short, something of mine came up missing and I couldn't find it on the server. Doug was the last one to have messed with it and promised me he would try to find it. He thought by providing me with a new item slightly more jazzed up I would forget about other said item and everything would be fine. I basically called him a liar and pissed him off to start looking for it... BAM, he found it. Now my suspicious mind makes me wonder - did he just rename slightly more jazzed up item??? Oh well, I am officially letting this one go. Sorry Doug.
Wednesday, April 5, 2006
Well, I have to be completely honest and say, it wouldn't matter if I found/won/were given/inherited $100,000 I think I would spend it the same way.
- $8,000 - student loans
- $40,000 - pay off car
- $12,000 - pay off credit cards & misc debt
- $10,000*3 = trust fund for all three kidlets
- $10,000 - Dream vacation at DisneyWorld
I knew I could spend that quick... but man, how nice if I could find a wad of cash like that.... the load on the money bills would be so minimal.. wow!!!!
I wrote her on Sunday telling her I was sorry I hadn't mailed it out yet and that I would do so monday. What did I do monday... darn near lose my mind (that's in a whole nuther post), so I didn't get it mailed monday. Yesterday it starts eating away at me that I hadn't mailed it, so I look in the car while I was out last night for the envelope. Not there. I figure it was just still on my desk. What have I been doing all this morning? Looking for that envelope to mail to Shirley. She's gonna think I am the worst human alive and never wanna speak to me again... I wouldn't blame her. So maybe I am exaggerating, but if I were her, I might be thinking.. what a fruitcake!
I have tore my desk apart, started tackling the mountain of papers behind me in hopes of finding this darn envelope. I just went outside and made another search of the car. What scares me now thinking back is did it get thrown away? I remember asking Katelyn to take the car trash to the can, and today is trash pick up day.... which has already ran. I would so have torn through that huge nasty trash can if I thought it was in there.. which now I am beginning to do. I can't find the receipt for the money order, the envelope I had her address wrote on, or the stub I pulled off the money order. This is driving me batty... and of course, I don't wanna have to write Shirley again.. I feel like such a FOOL! Argh... this sucks and I am frazzled!!!!!
Tuesday, April 4, 2006
Step 1 - read the instructions (yeah, this does *nothing* for me)
I hope and dream about the day I will be a healthier me. Yes, thinner. I just had my last child, and I am ready. I don't know why it has taken me 10 years to REALLY want this but, I want to be a regular person again. People judge others on looks so much, it's sad but, so true. I want to walk in a room and capture the attention of others based on my outside beauty not based on how large I am. I want to be able to run and play and go to amusement parks again and not have to worry about finding a place to rest, knowing I won't be able to fit on the ride because of my size... FLY in an airplane for the first time!! I really want to do that!!! I want my husband to see me as the most beautiful woman in the world.
I dream and hope and wish for all the above but, that's not all. I dream about building our dream home with like 5 bedrooms, an office, library, scrap studio, play center for the kids. I want a wrap around porch that I can go and sit on any hour of the day (especially when a thunderstorm is going on) and drink coffee or hot chocolate. I hope I can be more like my aunt. She's there for everyone and as she has gotten older hardly passes judgement on anyone. And even if she has passed judgement or stated she might not like so and so for whatever reason, if they ask for help, she's willing to help. I want that. I want to be more open to just being there for others, regardless of my schedule and needs. I'm not talking about being walked over, being a push over where you are walked on and can't say NO.. just knowing I could be a strong shoulder to lean on, a rock for them.
I want to go back to college and learn again. Anything. Be it programming so I can help my husband in his business, or learning how to take a decent picture, I want to learn. I want my husband to respect me, and look up to me like I look up to him. I admire him. He is such a hardworker, a really smart man. I want to be like him too. Wouldn't it be cool to program and be his sidekick, working together on a really large project for a big company. Getting a call from Microsoft to come in as consultants on a big release... or however that stuff works. I want to be more passionate about life. Really grab it up and breathe it all in... taking in all the good and bad and understanding that we just get one chance at LIVING! I dream and hope for a lot... I sure do hope I can accomplish these d r e a m s one day.
5 snacks that I enjoy
- Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
- coffee with liquid creamer (french vanilla)
- icecream (anything with peanut butter)
- salsa and chips
- popcorn with snowcaps in it
5 songs in which I know all the lyrics
- You're Beautiful (James Blunt)
- Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice)
- Papa Don't Preach (Madonna)
- Fancy (Reba)
- Santa Baby (Kitt ?)
- build our dream house
- give $ to my mom
- Go to Disneyworld (and on the cruise too)
- pay for the kids to go to college / start trust funds
5 bad habits
- emotional eating
- cussing while driving (possible road rage?)
- taking things out on Doug
- leaving the clothes in the washer overnight
5 things I like doing
- playing marbles (most board games)
- taking pictures
- surfing the net
- spending alone time with Doug
5 things I would never wear, buy, or get new again
- knee highs
- jean vests
- anything with 100% wool
- a bikini (man, those days are long gone!)
5 favorite toys
- my car
- my computer
- Dish DVR (I love to record stuff to watch later)
- my camera
- mp3's on the puter
5 people I will tag - Hmmm.....
Monday, April 3, 2006
What a deep question. I think I will start off with my mother. I will start off and say that I love her dearly. She has inspired me in a way that might not be the norm for most people. My mom has taught me to set a standard for myself - to stand up for myself, to be fair to my children in the best way I know how, to say I love you everyday to my children. How did my mom teach me all of this? By not leading by example.
She has always made poor choices in mates in her life.. always. I think this has set the standard for her and one that she continued to proove to me while growing up, one that I didn't like. Men walked all over her, abused her (and me), made her feel belittled, and yet she still kept giving her all to them. I'll never understand why, but she made me believe I wanted better than that in life, for myself and my future children.
My mom worked hard, and meant well.. but she never taught me to be fair to others in life. She would take what she could from people whether it be family or friends, and was ok with that. Never giving back to the ones that cared the most about her. She never told me she loved me... until she got older... now life means a little bit more to her, but in the negative ways I have spoke of my mom, I still thank her.
She inspired me to be a loving person. To give and yet expect to be treated fairly in return. For the most part, I have chosen a good mate. I try to teach my children about fairness to others, being able to voice their opinions whether I agree with them or not. I tell them I love them everyday. My mom has inspired me to be a better mother than she was to me. I'm not sure if I will be able to convey exactly how she has inspired and enriched my life without it sounding like I don't respect or love my mother....
Do you ever talk to you're blue in the face? Til you have no air left in your lungs? Til your face goes numb with the same ol' same ol'? Ever need help and scream it at the top of your lungs.. scream it out in your head where it's just there echoing, and noone hears you? Better yet, have that ONE person you are asking for help, really asking, and they don't hear you? That ONE person who you need the most from, who you think will be there for you, and they think you're silly? You have tears streaming down your face, your hearts about to burst from the pain and, they still think your problems are smaller than their own?
It doesn't matter if your family wants to *listen*, they can't help you. You don't want them to.
The ONE person that matters, that means the world to you basically laughs at all your antics, thinking you are - JUST moody - JUST *might* have a touch of the baby blues or postpardum depression....
so what? Isn't the cry for help enough? The flood of tears running down their face... don't you see?
I wonder if people who commit suicide feel this way? Colleagues, friends, family can see the changes, ask if you're ok... and they numbly say, "yeah, I'm ok" when their really not? They just need/hope/expect that ONE RIGHT person to help them. It doesn't matter how, just that they care enough to see that help is needed.
and no.. I'm NOT suicidal... but I feel lost, but maybe it will get better on it's own?
Yeah.. that felt good!
Sunday, April 2, 2006
Doug's boss called him last night and played a prank on him. He is so easy, I will have to remember to get him next year. They had lost two hard drives on the server friday, and his boss had been there all night with IT trying to replace/restore information. The prank... Bossman told Doug that a virus had got into a hardrive and wiped everything losing months of work.. or something like that. Doug fell for it. He was going off on the phone, OMG.. OMG! *snort* Good going Steve!
I was up late last night after our game of marbles with my aunt & uncle, so I made a layout. I fixed the journaling on it but did not retake the shot. Samantha loves to walk up to Cam and give him kisses. She will say, "awwww braboo" then kiss him.
more kissing.. she can't get enough of it... LOL
Saturday, April 1, 2006
Mine would be programming. I have started twice in the past to learn this skill. It could quickly become a profession, considering my hubby is a programmer, and a damn good one at that. I started to learn from a book and with hubby's instruction. Between being pregnant with Sam at the time, and life in general I never finished. I got through chapter five of my VB book. I was starting to learn about loops and stuff. It really is quite a feeling to create a program and see it run and work how you wrote it to work. It's quite amazing. So, if I do anything else in my life, I would like to become a novice at worst in programming. It would help us expand our home business on creating custom made programs for home/business.
Katelyn went to her friends house for a birthday weekend sleepover. She was so excited to go yesterday. Her friends mom called me earlier this morning telling me Katelyn stepped on a rusty nail. :( She's ok and I don't think she needs another tenus shot, but if it starts looking funky I will take her in to the Dr's.
Samantha was showing her butt a lot yesterday, giving me a hard time and generally not listening to anything. Guess what she got into? Ahhh the joy of things that are off limits! A pen!
She was quite proud of herself.
The pen was starting to irritate her eyes. Baby wipes pull the ink right off of skin... I don't know about her outfit yet though, it may just become a dust rag.
This morning while I was busy being sick, D went and brought lil C in the bed with him... I resisted the waves of nausea and ran for the camera. I love it.