Tuesday, November 30, 2010

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ RIP Mom ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Dear Mom,

I woke up this morning a little earlier than usual so I could make the children pancakes and bacon before I sent them off to school. I was thinking about Katelyn's band concert from the night before, and how I hoped I had gotten enough songs on the flip so you could hear them this week... I knew you would love them. Katelyn woke up at her usual time, Samantha lounged around on the floor as long as she could before I started squawking at her to get to the table and wake up. Doug and Cameron were still sleeping, but would be surprised with the breakfast like the girls were when they woke up. Katelyn was letting Hamburger outside and noticed a car in front of our house, so she told me.  I went to the door and thought the car looked familiar, but it just didn't register with whom it could be. I yelled out at 6:15 asking if they needed any help. A minute later I hear Aunt Pat's voice telling me she'll be inside in a minute.  I thought it was the weirdest thing she was here so early in the morning. Rarely do we ever just drop in on each other, and so early in the morning too... I hadn't had a sip of coffee yet as I had packed Doug's lunch, and breakfast was halfway finished cooking.

As I was flipping pancakes Aunt Pat came around the corner. She sat her purse on the table, and I asked her if she was ok. Then I saw Amy come around the corner too. Aunt Pat answered, No. I looked at her and asked her if she needed a hug. She said, I think we'll all need one, and she started walking toward me. She said she had something to tell me, but had to wait for Eddie to get here.You know how the hairs on the back of your neck feel like they stick up when you are really scared for your life? Mine did that. I told her she had to tell me. Please, just tell me! She says, Leah your mom passed away at the paper drop this morning while rolling her newspapers. What? No. NO. WHAT? This must be a bad nightmare.... what are you saying to me?

I mean.. I just spoke to you last night mom.. you talked about how tired you were. I can't remember the specifics of the phone call, but I do remember you telling me to hug and kiss the kids for you, and to tell them that you loved them. Mom... I need to talk to you. To hear your voice. To see you hug my children. To watch them grow some more. It hurts so much missing you mom. I feel like I'm in a fog. Grandma, Pam, Brian, and Brad are coming into town Thursday and leaving Saturday. I feel so badly for Katelyn, I didn't get to tell her because she overheard Pat telling me... she rushed into our bedroom to wake up Doug. She was such a trooper today helping watch Cameron, she got Samantha off the bus this afternoon too. Eddie and I made all the arrangements at the funeral home and we are going to the Cemetery in the morning to make arrangements there. After Eddie and Bubby left, Doug and I took Samantha in the bedroom to tell her that you are in heaven now. I don't think I'll ever forget that look on her tiny porcelain face. Cameron doesn't understand quite the same way Samantha does, but know that they will never forget you.

I looked through my deleted voice mails this morning.. looking for the ones from you. I saved a couple of those. I wonder if I can somehow download them to my computer? I realize I never got enough photos of you and the babies together. I hope you know how much you were loved by all of us. I pray the obituary is ok... I thought I had 30 more years to worry about this. Who thinks their mom is going to pass away so young?

Deborah Lynn Hensley
January 4, 1955 ~ November 30, 2010

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken
no time to say goodbye
you were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness
and heart wrenching tears still flow,
what it meant to lose you,
no one will ever know.

I love you so much mom.

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