Friday, December 31, 2010

It's almost the New Year

Samantha and Cameron are all tucked snuggled in their beds... Katelyn is on her way to bed.  We didn't do our traditional NYE family thing this year. We did watch a movie together, Percy Jackson and the Olympians something or other. Was a really good movie.

Christmas was so-so this year. Ok.. it was really GREAT for everyone else... but even with the kids smiling faces it was hard to feel the joy in my heart this year. Doug bought me a new Rebel T2i.. it's a cool Camera.. but Christmas this year was like faking an orgasm.. I smiled, said my Thanks, and couldn't wait for it to be over. I know I sound really horrible, but I don't know how to look forward to things right now. Every thing I would normally look forward to, I am instantly reminded that my mom won't be here to share in it with us.  I really hope this passes soon... I am not living, just getting by for my kids and Doug's sake.

and my moms beloved Lab, Sabrina. She has been so heart broken without my mom. On Tuesday night, we had to put her to sleep. It was exactly 4 weeks to THE day that my mom had passed away.
Here she is at Christmas. She had lost over 40 pounds in a month. Barely eating at all.

The vets chalked it up to her being heart broken as well... she just missed her mom so much, she couldn't bare to go on. I held her in my arms and told her to say hi to Weiner (my shar pei who passed in Jan '10) and Mom for me. She was 12 years old. Great with kids. Helped babysit Katelyn when she was a toddler in my mom's backyard... she always caught Katelyn trying to climb over the fence back there. She and Weiner played together like little pups whenever they visited one another.  I am having her cremated, and will place the ashes with mom.

I pray all my  friends and family have a prosperous, happy and healthy new year in '11!
I am ready for the new year.. and then again I am not ready.

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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

You better watch out

you better not cry, you better not pout I'm telling you why...

Cameron will be playing a game or trucks and just start singing that Christmas song.  It breaks my heart we've not had the money to start Christmas shopping yet.... and to be perfectly honest, until just this past second, I hadn't really WANTED to shop for Christmas presents.

I kinda feel like I'm in thick air... I see everybody moving on around me, but I'm sullen, angry, sad, and have no wish to do anything.  I have thank you notes to make and write. Presents to buy. Grocery shopping to do. Clothes to wash. Christmas cards to send. I can't get up the motivation to get up and do the things that need doing.

When I come to my blog to start letting my feelings out, tears pool in my eyes, my heart wrenches tightly, and I miss my mom so much.  On the other hand, I feel guilty as hell that I've not taken the time (Lord knows I have tons of time) to do all the things on my to do list. Basic things like grocery shopping. I can do that...  Alls I really want to do is pick up the phone and call my MOM.

The urge to speak to her is so great. So overwhelming.

I had a dream last night I had leukemia. I don't know what that's all about.

I really wish I could borrow some of Santa's elves to get all my work done. Heck. I would settle for the gumption. the get up and go to get things done. Instead, I spend numerous hours a day on facebook playing mind numbing gates like bejeweled blitz and zuma.

If you are overflowing in holiday cheer, please pass some my way.
The Grinch.

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Monday, December 6, 2010

I have time to breathe...

...and it hurts. I breathe in too deeply, and I ache for my moms voice.
I can't remember a time (except for when I was 18/19) that I went more than 3 or 4 days without talking to my mom on the phone. We lived ten minutes away.. between her busy work schedule, and mine with the kids, we saw each other a few times a month.. but we spoke almost daily.

I don't even know what to do. My plate is overwhelming at the moment. I'm trying to dig deep to find the strength to pull my head out of my ass like I know you would do. Even when you struggled, you were strong and worked your way through it. I have to sit with the kids tonight to finish decorating the Christmas tree. It's like I would be happy to just skip over it.

I went to your house last night and started going through some of your things. Eddie is pretty much letting me take whatever I want so far.  He's giving me your car.You'll be happy to know Katelyn will be driving it.

I don't know where to put your things I am grabbing right now.... and I don't have time to BREATHE again because now I just feel hounded. I wish you were here. I wish more than anything I would wake up from this nightmare and find a missed call from you asking me where I had left my phone bc I didn't answer it.

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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

A quick hello

Dear family and friends,

It has been a complete blessing to have you all in my life. Knowing you are thinking of my family and  I during this time has been a comfort to me. All the letters, notes, and phone calls have kept me going. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


Dear Mom,

Today was another hard day. I barely slept last night tossing and turning. I woke up at exactly 4:00 am this morning. It was so weird. I instantly thought of you. I will be sending the girls back to school Thursday and Friday. Eddie and I (Doug too) went to the Cemetery to pick out your final resting place. I think you will love it. It's in the garden called the Good Shephard. It has a statue of Jesus with his shephards hook and his flock surrounding him. Your marker is tasteful, it was tough deciding on one, but Eddie and I finally agreed on it. I heard from the minister today. We couldn't find the one that Eddie wanted, which is unfortunate, but I'm really happy with the Minister we talked to. I have just emailed him tonight telling him stories from your childhood that I remember, things that you liked, that you did... as much as I could remember. I think the service will be touching. I pray it will be. I'm a bit mad right now. Jackie told Aunt Pat today that your death notice wasn't in Wednesday's paper. I bought a paper late this evening, and she was right.. your notice wasn't in there. I'm mad/scared/pissed thinking the Funeral home may not have emailed the Obituary out yet. I'm crossing everything I have, and praying hard that it prints in Thursdays paper. That it's accurate. I just want everything to be perfect as I can make it for you, for family. I don't want any hurt feelings. It's so hard trying to remember it all.  Amy is having a speghetti dinner at her house Friday night. And Saturday after the funeral we will gather at Amy's house for a luncheon. It's a special gift she is giving me hosting these functions at her house. Thank you so much cuz! And many thanks to Aunt Pat for providing so much of the afternoons meal.

I think of you constantly. I feel like I was a bad daughter because I wasn't thinking of you more and appreciating you as often while you were here with me. I'm so glad I grew up enough, in time to appreciate you as much as I had while you were here. The kids and I picked out special items we will be placing with you on Saturday. Their so excited for you to see them. We'll be writing you letters tomorrow too. Oh, I talked to Carol, Jackie M, and Melanie yesterday. It was nice to hear from old friends. Your Pallbearers will be Katelyn, Doug, Edward, Brian, Brad, and Dale. I love you mom. I miss you more than I can convey in once sentence.

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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ RIP Mom ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Dear Mom,

I woke up this morning a little earlier than usual so I could make the children pancakes and bacon before I sent them off to school. I was thinking about Katelyn's band concert from the night before, and how I hoped I had gotten enough songs on the flip so you could hear them this week... I knew you would love them. Katelyn woke up at her usual time, Samantha lounged around on the floor as long as she could before I started squawking at her to get to the table and wake up. Doug and Cameron were still sleeping, but would be surprised with the breakfast like the girls were when they woke up. Katelyn was letting Hamburger outside and noticed a car in front of our house, so she told me.  I went to the door and thought the car looked familiar, but it just didn't register with whom it could be. I yelled out at 6:15 asking if they needed any help. A minute later I hear Aunt Pat's voice telling me she'll be inside in a minute.  I thought it was the weirdest thing she was here so early in the morning. Rarely do we ever just drop in on each other, and so early in the morning too... I hadn't had a sip of coffee yet as I had packed Doug's lunch, and breakfast was halfway finished cooking.

As I was flipping pancakes Aunt Pat came around the corner. She sat her purse on the table, and I asked her if she was ok. Then I saw Amy come around the corner too. Aunt Pat answered, No. I looked at her and asked her if she needed a hug. She said, I think we'll all need one, and she started walking toward me. She said she had something to tell me, but had to wait for Eddie to get here.You know how the hairs on the back of your neck feel like they stick up when you are really scared for your life? Mine did that. I told her she had to tell me. Please, just tell me! She says, Leah your mom passed away at the paper drop this morning while rolling her newspapers. What? No. NO. WHAT? This must be a bad nightmare.... what are you saying to me?

I mean.. I just spoke to you last night mom.. you talked about how tired you were. I can't remember the specifics of the phone call, but I do remember you telling me to hug and kiss the kids for you, and to tell them that you loved them. Mom... I need to talk to you. To hear your voice. To see you hug my children. To watch them grow some more. It hurts so much missing you mom. I feel like I'm in a fog. Grandma, Pam, Brian, and Brad are coming into town Thursday and leaving Saturday. I feel so badly for Katelyn, I didn't get to tell her because she overheard Pat telling me... she rushed into our bedroom to wake up Doug. She was such a trooper today helping watch Cameron, she got Samantha off the bus this afternoon too. Eddie and I made all the arrangements at the funeral home and we are going to the Cemetery in the morning to make arrangements there. After Eddie and Bubby left, Doug and I took Samantha in the bedroom to tell her that you are in heaven now. I don't think I'll ever forget that look on her tiny porcelain face. Cameron doesn't understand quite the same way Samantha does, but know that they will never forget you.

I looked through my deleted voice mails this morning.. looking for the ones from you. I saved a couple of those. I wonder if I can somehow download them to my computer? I realize I never got enough photos of you and the babies together. I hope you know how much you were loved by all of us. I pray the obituary is ok... I thought I had 30 more years to worry about this. Who thinks their mom is going to pass away so young?

Deborah Lynn Hensley
January 4, 1955 ~ November 30, 2010

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken
no time to say goodbye
you were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness
and heart wrenching tears still flow,
what it meant to lose you,
no one will ever know.

I love you so much mom.

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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Fall is near

I know Autumn is knocking on our doorstep around this time because of school portrait time.  Both the girls had their portraits taken this week. This is Samantha's first time taking them for school. She has pictures today and I pray she doesn't pull a funny face like this when it's her turn.

or like this

or even this

I gotta face facts though.. she is my child and prone to lots of silliness!

I can hope for something like this though.

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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Timeless Daydreams reveal

My house has been filled with kindergarten cooties since Samantha's 3rd day of school. It's unreal to me how many germs must circulate throughout the school in one day. I'll be buying germ X by the gallon if I could find time to make it over to Sam's Warehouse. lol

Anyway, on to the FUN stuff.
Here was our gorgeous July/August kit Summer Fling.
Little Yellow Bicycle
9 Beautiful Textured Double Sided patterned papers
1 Glitter and Texture Decorative Edge Cardstock
1 Pack 6x6 Double Sided Decorative Edge Cardstock - VERY CUTE!!
2 Journal Cards (Cards Will Vary)
Jenni Bowlin
1 Pack (6 Cards) Mini Beach Bingo Cards
American Crafts
2 Packs Vinyl Sprinkles - Teal and Yellow Thickers
4 Just The Edge Strips - 2 yellow/2 Orange (Strips Will Vary)
Fancy Pants
1 yrd. Aqua Ball Trim
May Arts
1 yrd. Yellow Sheer Dot

The LYB paper is a dream. It was so easy to work with. Held up beautifully to distressing, and it was so nicely textured and a great weight in paper. Little Yellow Bicycle has it goin' on!!

You can click on each photo to see it larger.  I added a bit of distress stickles to the sand dollars to bring them out a bit. You can see, this may be a beach kit, but it works so well for many different subjects.

Here's one of my honey Doug and I. We don't get photos with each other very often, and when I do, I like to get them scrapped pretty quickly.
The title was based off an old NKOTB song ;)

I was so excited/anxious/nervous when Samantha started Kindergarten, I scrapped this layout right away.
The little journal die cuts are amazing.  You can see on mine there are little glittered footprints.. even with those on there, the journaling went over the footprints and glitter easily, it was smooth.

I had the rest of this sunshine piece to use... ;)

This layout below was a challenge to 'do over' an old layout that bugged you, and turn it into something you like. I created this one in 2006.

 Here's my new and improved one. I just added that back sheet of ledger paper from Teresa Collins.
There are just a handful of these phenomenal kits left... and a contest going on in the forum at Timeless Daydreams too.  You could still play along for the fun of it!!

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Friday, September 3, 2010

Summer is almost over.

I can't believe SUMMER is almost over. The pool has been abandoned from swimmers the last two weeks. I've been running around like crazy getting the girls ready for school. We all have new schedules with Samantha starting school this year. That means I'm in bed no later than 11pm and up by 6:03am. I'm still not used to the schedule, but hopefully soon my body will adjust. I never feel like I have enough sleep.

Samantha started Kindergarten this year. You can see photos over on Facebook HERE... but here is one of the funniest ones.

So sassy! She is LOVING school... she is my talker, so the house is pretty quiet. I was worried she would get into loads of trouble with talking, but so far, she's had all green lights for behavior. :)

Katelyn is top dog in Northside Middle school this year since it's her last year there.  She is taking her 3rd year of band, and also just this week picked up Stage Band. We drive her to school twice a week @ 7:10am. She is really loving that, and I'm happy her band teacher Mr. Denton asked her to join. She also has double block Algebra which is a high school class and I believe she gets a credit towards her diploma. That girl is soaring.

Cameron is loving the alone time with me. Some days we talk all day long, and other like this morning, we're glued to our computers working away.

Yesterday we celebrated Doug's birthday, he turned 37! I just realized.. I didn't pull out my camera. *groan*

All the new changes just had me neglecting my blog, and blogs I read. The only one I posted to pretty much was Timeless Daydreams.  The August guest designer was revealed today. I can't wait to see her work with the gorgeous August kit. I'll be uploading my work with it tomorrow.  I think that's a pretty decent update... time just gets away from me... I wonder what it will be like if I live to 80? ;)

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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Help build their field of dreams

Phew... it's been crazy here in the Crowe household.
My 3 months is now up with Treasured Scrapbooking. I had a lot of fun working with Erin and the Design Team over there. Did you see the crazy cool deal in the previous post? Wish *I* could sign up for it. lol

I'll be sharing my June DT work from Timeless Daydreams tomorrow, but today I wanted to share a special cause our June GDT over at Timeless Daydreams shared with us there. Her name is Amanda L. on the boards, and her town is trying to win a Pepsi grant for $50,000 to help their town build a Miracle League baseball field for special needs children.  I've also added a widget to the right side of my blog. You can vote daily through that widget, and possibly even add the widget to your own blog. You can read MORE about Amanda L's towns goals HERE.

Check out this very inspiration video below.

Let's help these children build their field of dreams!!
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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Treasured KIT PROMO!

Have you always loved the kits from Treasured Scrapbooking? Well, here's your chance to sign up with a stellar deal!!

If you sign up for a six month subscription of either our card kit or our monthly regular kit, you will receive a seventh month FREE!!!

Also, if you sign up with a credit card as your payment option, you will receive an additional $1 off each month for the main kit and $.50 off for the card kit!

Please tell Erin @ Treasured Scrapbooking I sent you!!

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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Sleepy Monster

I created this for a challenge over at Timeless Daydreams for our Creative Thursdays. We had to scrap lift someone who's had their layout featured as Dreamy layout of the day. I chose Anne Marie's layout Back to Cool layout. It was so fun to just scrap for me and no DT commitment. :) I used the June Noel Mignon kit for the layout, the blues aren't quite right here, but you get the idea. :)

See that cute lil monster? Yeah, how can you miss him? haha I created an SVG for him...and have cut him out 3 times now. Katelyn wants a larger one for her room, and I'm about ready to get that cut out for her. I cut him out around 4.5" wide... so if you cut it at that size or smaller, there's really no need for the black pupils... I just used a sharpie marker on the whites of the eyes. I created this in Make The Cut's newest version. Stellar. I love it so oooo ooo ooo much!
Cameron  loved his, then Samantha stole the one I was originally going to use on the layout above. Their all happy friends.
The monster SVG can be downloaded HERE.

And last week I made this one, it's cuts well... I rushed through it pretty quick when the new MTC version was released. I have to play with the text on a path better. I know how to do that in Paint Shop Pro.. just inside MTC is a little tricky.
If you'd like it, you can find the SVG HERE.
Enjoy and happy crafting!

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Treasured Scrapbooking June 15th reveal

Ok.. so it's really the 16th, but we were being lazy around the house yesterday, and I didn't make it to the computer. Fun in the sun and all that jazz. :) This is my last month on the DT at Treasured Scrapbooking. Working for Erin over the last 3 months has been a blast. I did not turn in an application this time around. Being on three teams keeps me balls to the wall busy, and I need a little bit of down time with all the kids home during the Summer. A huge congrats to the new DT'ers and to Julie as DT Coordinator. :)

I can't brag on this girl enough.. I'll probably be making more layouts just from induction night alone.
I ran her program through my cuttlebug to give it some texture, circled her name, and used that as a base to house all my elements for this layout.
 Another fun thing on here was shelf lining I glimmer misted and framed with ric rak... and I loved the large flower from the center of the Jenni Bowlin paper, so I cut it out from the base of my layout to use as a large embellishment.

Three cards...

The last card I made for my cousin Amy... I have no clue if she likes those colors or not.. something I need to remedy.. it would be nice to know my extended families favorite colors. :)

Samantha has become more responsible with her possessions. She's taking better care to put things away, turn her lights off (I threatened to take her light bulb.. lol) etc. So, I thought a frame in her room would thrill her. I was right. :)

She told me right as I was taking this picture. "I really love it mama, and I'm smiling with the sun in my eyes!" ;) Too cute.
She chose the photo that is being displayed in it right now too. It was Halloween '09 when she was a Ninja Turtle, and she was pretending to beat up daddy. So cute!
The June kit was so much fun to work with. There are still some in the store, and the card kit went out yesterday too! I need to get dressed.. shhhhh. ;)

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Monday, June 14, 2010

June Top Shelf Memories reveal

Seriously. Ten days since my last update here? *shakes head* Well, I have had a LOT of family crap on the table. It's sickening actually to think how skeletons from your closet can poke their bony heads into your reality and mess with your life. There's a reason these skeletons are in the past and not the present. Rant.over.

On to happier thoughts. The lovely Top Shelf Memories June Fancy Pants My Family kit. Hello? Taryn is only selling this beauty for $13!!! A STEAL! And on top of that, she charges flat rate shipping of ONLY $5! A kit shipped to you for $18. You just can NOT beat that anywhere. Plus, all past kits and add ons are on sale for 30% off. Now.. on to the layouts.

This layout is about a time where my mom and dad were together. Blissful and in love. A time I have no memory of. Kind of bittersweet and sad.

This little rocking chair was the children's favorite spot to hang out and play when we visited my FIL in Ky a few years back. This kit was perfect for capturing all things family.

My children love bubbles... we found these really cute bubble wands at Krogers for $1. My son likes to pick them up and pretend they are light sabers or swords. On this layout, I printed out two copies of my photo, one in color and one in black n white. Then I cut out the color photo of Cameron and popped it up with pop dots and adhered it on the black n white photo. I love the look.. so cool in person.

This layout is our Easter we spent with the family in Ky back in 2007... and also based off my sketch I created for Top Shelf Memories blog. You can check it out over here.

This silly dog is my husbands. Her name is Domino... one day we were looking all over for her. We found her in the bathroom perched up on the toilet like this. LOL Poor thing thought she would just chill there til we found her I guess. :)
Seriously. Check out the kits and the sell going on. The prices are phenomenal!

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