Ugh. Weird day so far. Have so much going on upstairs, it's rattling and shaking to get out, so bear with me a bit. I may condense it enough so it doesn't take all afternoon to let it loose!
I was vacuuming and thinking about the New Year and resolutions, while the kids sat at the dining room table eating lunch this afternoon. About my mom. How the relationship is slowly going down the toilet. How I know it's not ALL her fault. That I know I play a role in that. And wondering do I wish to change it?
Missed a phone call by two minutes from my step dad, getting the kids washed up from lunch.. he has something to tell me. "It's important. Call back please."
He calls to tell me my mom definitely has some blocked arteries in her heart. She saw a specialist yesterday, they were looking over her results from her stress tests last week. They are having her go into the Hospital Tuesday morning for the cathetar dealy up your groin area. (She already has 4 or 5 stints in there from 3.5 years ago) Depending on how blocked the arteries are, they may be able to add more stints, if not, their talking open heart surgery.... @ 53 years old. Anyways, I don't feel nervous about it. Or scared. Bad? hmm tomorrow is her birthday.
After he tells me all that, I'm like "why didn't she call to tell me?" grrr. AND the only reason why they called.. because they mainly only call for one reason. and that's if they need something. always. I wouldn't mind helping my mother out if she called more than once every couple weeks. if she'd pop in and make cookies with the kids. Something. Anyways, I've been asked to do her paper route for her. I know why this pisses me off so badly.. it's her husband. He should be stepping it up and doing that flippin' route.
If you're married, who do you turn to first? Me - Doug. He's my rock. I can count on him for most anything. It pisses me off my mom can't say the same thing for her husband. He's nice. just lazy. and plays ignorant. I'm not just throwing words out there.. he really tries to play dumb. a lot.
I'm told that stepdad will come on the route and help. Their in for some news if they think I'm doing the paper route the entire time shes laid up. He's going to have to learn this for once and all. It's about time he bucked up and started helping out in times likes these.
And this ladies and gentlemen, is why I have a guilty concious and think I have to say YES to everything asked of me. It's been a hard 12 years trying to get over that mentality... I'm still working on it with my mom.. but it's getting easier to say more No's.
This may not make a lot of sense.. there is a lot of prior things that I've never really talked about here... so it may look like I'm being a bitch of a child, that I should be grateful I still have a mom to help...I get that. I do. I understand.
The other thing I want to work on this year is letting things go.
more to come later.