Monday, December 6, 2010

I have time to breathe...

...and it hurts. I breathe in too deeply, and I ache for my moms voice.
I can't remember a time (except for when I was 18/19) that I went more than 3 or 4 days without talking to my mom on the phone. We lived ten minutes away.. between her busy work schedule, and mine with the kids, we saw each other a few times a month.. but we spoke almost daily.

Mom,
I don't even know what to do. My plate is overwhelming at the moment. I'm trying to dig deep to find the strength to pull my head out of my ass like I know you would do. Even when you struggled, you were strong and worked your way through it. I have to sit with the kids tonight to finish decorating the Christmas tree. It's like I would be happy to just skip over it.

I went to your house last night and started going through some of your things. Eddie is pretty much letting me take whatever I want so far.  He's giving me your car.You'll be happy to know Katelyn will be driving it.

I don't know where to put your things I am grabbing right now.... and I don't have time to BREATHE again because now I just feel hounded. I wish you were here. I wish more than anything I would wake up from this nightmare and find a missed call from you asking me where I had left my phone bc I didn't answer it.

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3 comments:

  1. Girl i so know the feeling the holidays are really hard Thanksgiving was bad felt the emptiness with out my Mom there :( the next day was worse...even now listening to xmas music makes me cry can't listen to it it was my Moms favorite holiday..its like a bad dream and u can't wake up from it!! thank goodness for the kids to keep us going b/c if i didn't HAVE to get up everyday and get them ready for school i would be a basket case i don't even know how half the time i am funtctioning i know in some way its not a good function i am funtctioning at but i'm upand out of bed so its okay @ least in my head...i feel your pain as i read what you wrote its exactly how i feell...hang in there girl its a hard road to go down :( here for u if u want to cry, yell whatever we can cry together :) xoxo

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  2. Hugs Leah....when my mom passed I just wanted time to stand still. The world needed to halt cos the greatest woman in the world had passed. Hugs. xo.

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  3. Leah, sorry for your loss and hope you can find peace in your heart this holiday.

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Thank you for taking the time to leave me a comment, it warms my heart. I hope you have a blessed day. Crafty hugs, Leah

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