I can't remember a time (except for when I was 18/19) that I went more than 3 or 4 days without talking to my mom on the phone. We lived ten minutes away.. between her busy work schedule, and mine with the kids, we saw each other a few times a month.. but we spoke almost daily.
Mom,
I don't even know what to do. My plate is overwhelming at the moment. I'm trying to dig deep to find the strength to pull my head out of my ass like I know you would do. Even when you struggled, you were strong and worked your way through it. I have to sit with the kids tonight to finish decorating the Christmas tree. It's like I would be happy to just skip over it.
I went to your house last night and started going through some of your things. Eddie is pretty much letting me take whatever I want so far. He's giving me your car.You'll be happy to know Katelyn will be driving it.
I don't know where to put your things I am grabbing right now.... and I don't have time to BREATHE again because now I just feel hounded. I wish you were here. I wish more than anything I would wake up from this nightmare and find a missed call from you asking me where I had left my phone bc I didn't answer it.
Girl i so know the feeling the holidays are really hard Thanksgiving was bad felt the emptiness with out my Mom there :( the next day was worse...even now listening to xmas music makes me cry can't listen to it it was my Moms favorite holiday..its like a bad dream and u can't wake up from it!! thank goodness for the kids to keep us going b/c if i didn't HAVE to get up everyday and get them ready for school i would be a basket case i don't even know how half the time i am funtctioning i know in some way its not a good function i am funtctioning at but i'm upand out of bed so its okay @ least in my head...i feel your pain as i read what you wrote its exactly how i feell...hang in there girl its a hard road to go down :( here for u if u want to cry, yell whatever we can cry together :) xoxo
ReplyDeleteHugs Leah....when my mom passed I just wanted time to stand still. The world needed to halt cos the greatest woman in the world had passed. Hugs. xo.
ReplyDeleteLeah, sorry for your loss and hope you can find peace in your heart this holiday.
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