Tuesday, November 30, 2010

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ RIP Mom ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Dear Mom,

I woke up this morning a little earlier than usual so I could make the children pancakes and bacon before I sent them off to school. I was thinking about Katelyn's band concert from the night before, and how I hoped I had gotten enough songs on the flip so you could hear them this week... I knew you would love them. Katelyn woke up at her usual time, Samantha lounged around on the floor as long as she could before I started squawking at her to get to the table and wake up. Doug and Cameron were still sleeping, but would be surprised with the breakfast like the girls were when they woke up. Katelyn was letting Hamburger outside and noticed a car in front of our house, so she told me.  I went to the door and thought the car looked familiar, but it just didn't register with whom it could be. I yelled out at 6:15 asking if they needed any help. A minute later I hear Aunt Pat's voice telling me she'll be inside in a minute.  I thought it was the weirdest thing she was here so early in the morning. Rarely do we ever just drop in on each other, and so early in the morning too... I hadn't had a sip of coffee yet as I had packed Doug's lunch, and breakfast was halfway finished cooking.

As I was flipping pancakes Aunt Pat came around the corner. She sat her purse on the table, and I asked her if she was ok. Then I saw Amy come around the corner too. Aunt Pat answered, No. I looked at her and asked her if she needed a hug. She said, I think we'll all need one, and she started walking toward me. She said she had something to tell me, but had to wait for Eddie to get here.You know how the hairs on the back of your neck feel like they stick up when you are really scared for your life? Mine did that. I told her she had to tell me. Please, just tell me! She says, Leah your mom passed away at the paper drop this morning while rolling her newspapers. What? No. NO. WHAT? This must be a bad nightmare.... what are you saying to me?

I mean.. I just spoke to you last night mom.. you talked about how tired you were. I can't remember the specifics of the phone call, but I do remember you telling me to hug and kiss the kids for you, and to tell them that you loved them. Mom... I need to talk to you. To hear your voice. To see you hug my children. To watch them grow some more. It hurts so much missing you mom. I feel like I'm in a fog. Grandma, Pam, Brian, and Brad are coming into town Thursday and leaving Saturday. I feel so badly for Katelyn, I didn't get to tell her because she overheard Pat telling me... she rushed into our bedroom to wake up Doug. She was such a trooper today helping watch Cameron, she got Samantha off the bus this afternoon too. Eddie and I made all the arrangements at the funeral home and we are going to the Cemetery in the morning to make arrangements there. After Eddie and Bubby left, Doug and I took Samantha in the bedroom to tell her that you are in heaven now. I don't think I'll ever forget that look on her tiny porcelain face. Cameron doesn't understand quite the same way Samantha does, but know that they will never forget you.

I looked through my deleted voice mails this morning.. looking for the ones from you. I saved a couple of those. I wonder if I can somehow download them to my computer? I realize I never got enough photos of you and the babies together. I hope you know how much you were loved by all of us. I pray the obituary is ok... I thought I had 30 more years to worry about this. Who thinks their mom is going to pass away so young?


Deborah Lynn Hensley
January 4, 1955 ~ November 30, 2010

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken
no time to say goodbye
you were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness
and heart wrenching tears still flow,
what it meant to lose you,
no one will ever know.

I love you so much mom.

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28 comments:

  1. Leah, I'm so sorry for your unexpected loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers this week, at least. Take refuge in the fact that she's in heaven, stay close to your children here on earth. Hugs to you.

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  2. Oh Leah! I am so sorry for your loss! You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. Oh my goodness Leah....I'm so sad for you. Please know that I'm praying for you especially this week! What a beautiful poem and photo of your mom!

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  4. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  5. Oh Leah I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. I lost my dad on Thanksgiving day and am dealing with all of the things you are. He however was sick for a long time so it wasnt unexpected and therefore sad but not a shock. Losing your mother is going to be one of the hardest things to happen, I cant even imagine. Hugs again.....love ya!

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  6. My heart goes out to you all!

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  7. Hugs Leah. You and the family are in my prayers. Hugs.

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  8. Leah I am so so sorry sweetie. My thoughts and prayers are with you. big big hugs

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  9. Leah I am so sorry. There is nothing that hurts worse than losing a loved one but when it takes you by surprise....it is just heart wrenching. I wish I could be there with you for support.

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  10. Leah I am truly sorry for your loss! I am thinking of you and praying for strength for you and your family through this time. {{{HUGS}}}

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  11. Words cannot express the heartbreak I have for you and your family. May she rest in peace and live on in your memories. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  12. Leah, I am so sad for your loss. Sending love and prayers for strength and peace.

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  13. Oh Leah...Leah :( I am so sorry....♥♥

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  14. Leah, I am so so sorry for your loss. {{{HUGS}}}

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  15. Leah, I thought of you yesterday and now I know why... I'm so sorry for your loss and I will be praying for you and your family.

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  16. Leah, I am so sorry sweetie. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...Love you girl!!

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  17. Leah i just saw this... I am so sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you. Hugs and prayers, Eva

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  18. Leah, I am so very sorry for your loss! Please take some comfort in the prayers and love that are being sent your direction.


    (((Hugs)))

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  19. Leah, my thoughts are with you and your family.

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  20. Leah, I love you. I'm so so sorry. What a terrible shock. My heart is breaking for you.

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  21. Oh, Leah. I am so, so sorry you lost your mom. My heart just aches for you and your family! ((((((HUGS))))))

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  22. So very sorry for your loss. Hoping gentle thoughts and prayers will comfort you some during the difficult days ahead.

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  23. Leah, I am so sorry for your loss, and without any warning too. Your heartfelt journaling touched me too.

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  24. Leah you have me in tears reading this just brings so much memories of my thoughts of losing my Mom in September one of the hardest things!! thinking the same thing as you one more talk, the kids?SO YOUNG why? my Mom was 55 also born in January also, photos didn't get enough? all the wish i told you...i wrote some notes while we wehre in the hospital while my Mom was in surgery and my feelings are so where u are in a fog not sure where to go or turn to! hang in there girl i am keeping you and your family in my prayers <3 xoxo
    if u ever need to talk please call me!!

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  25. I am so sorry for your loss Leah. Hugs and prayers.

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  26. Leah I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. You and your family are in my prayers. Dee

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  27. Ohhh Leah....my heart feels your pain. I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers as you traverse this new unchartered territory. Many Hugs and prayers to you!

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  28. So sorry to hear your mum passed away so young, my mum too passed away when i was 26 and she was only 51. It was so suddenly like your mum.

    God bless you all, it will get easier over time, but she'll always be in your hearts.

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Thank you for taking the time to leave me a comment, it warms my heart. I hope you have a blessed day. Crafty hugs, Leah

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